The Book of Marriage

Book of Nikah

النِّكاَحِ

Stations

Glossary

The Book of Marriage (Nikâḥ)

Nikâḥ (marriage) is from the Sunnah (way) of the Messengers. ¹¹⁹¹

النِّكَاحُ مِنْ سُنَنِ الْمُرْسَلِيْنَ.

It is better than forsaking it for the supererogatory

وَهُوَ أَفْضَلُ مِنَ التَّخَلِّيْ

1191. Introduction

The word ‘nikâḥ’ is used in the Qur’an and Sunnah sometimes to refer to the marriage contract and sometimes to refer to the actual consummation, so it is polysemic (lafdh mushtarak).

Marriage is also called zawâj (coupling). The past tense zawwaja means ‘paired up’, and the noun zawj refers to each one of a couple. Allah (ST) says:

{And when the souls are paired.} (at-Takweer 81: 7)

وَإِذَا النُّفُوسُ زُوِّجَتْ.

This means that every group is paired up with its comrades or its deeds, or that the souls are joined with their bodies.

Zawâj, in the context of marriage, would mean the intended-to-be-permanent fusion of the husband and wife into the family unit.
Marriage: Way of the Messengers

Allah says:

{And We have already sent messengers before you and assigned to them wives and descendants...} (ar-Ra‘d 13: 38)

وَلَقَدْ أَرْسَلْنَا رُسُلًا مِّن قَبْلِكَ وَجَعَلْنَا لَهُمْ أَزْوَاجًا وَذُرِّيَّةً

The Messenger of Allah (SA) said:

“…yet I fast [some days] and break my fast [on others], I pray [part of the night] and I do sleep [part of it] and I also marry women, so he who deserts my way, is not from me (not from my followers).” (Ag – from Anas ibn Mâlik)

... لَكِنِّي أَصُومُ وَأُفْطِرُ، وَأُصَلِّي وَأَرْقُدُ وَأَتَزَوَّجُ النِّسَاءَ، فَمَنْ رَغِبَ عَنْ سُنَّتِي فَلَيْسَ مِنِّي

Islam does not condone monasticism, which isolates the most virtuous members of the society. If they were to be righteously engaged in the reality of life, instead of withdrawing from it, they would have a greater impact. Moreover, their withdrawal sends a message to those who do engage in real life that they cannot aspire to purity and righteousness.

acts of worship. ¹¹⁹² This is because the Prophet (SA) disapproved of ‘Uthmân ibn Madh‘oon’s attempt at celibacy. ¹¹⁹³ Moreover, he said, “O young people, let those of you who can afford marriage get married, for it will help them lower

لِنَفْلِ الْعِبَادَةِ، لأَنَّ النَّبِيَّ "رَدَّ عَلىٰ عُثْمَانَ بْنِ مَظْعُوْنٍ التَّبَتُّلَ، وقال: يَا مَعْشَرَ الشَّبَابِ مَنِ اسْتَطَاعَ مِنْكُمُ اْلبَاءَةَ فَلْيَتَزَوَّجَ، فَإِنَّهُ أَغَضُّ لِلْبَصَرِ وأَحْصَنُ

1092. The Virtue, Importance, and Ruling of Marriage

Islam divides the wants of human beings into three categories:

1) Necessities, the lack of which causes severe detriment – e.g., water for a thirsty person or shelter in severe cold weather

2) Needs, the lack of which causes hardship – e.g., a good home in a safe area close to work

3) Comforts/luxuries, which make one’s life more enjoyable – e.g., a fancy car or a spacious home with a backyard.

The necessities include the essential preservation of the religion, life, property, intellect, lineage and honor. The needs and comforts serve those ultimate objectives as well by promotion and enhancement.

The wellbeing of the family structure is essential for the full preservation and promotion of the religion, life, lineage, and honor. There are proven positive impacts on the economy as well, so marriage is generally recommended and can even be mandatory in certain cases. This is true in all madh-habs, though they may differ on some details. Imam al-Kâsâni, a Ḥanafi scholar, said, “There is no dispute that marriage is an obligation on the capable when the desire is strong.” (Badâ’i‘ as-Sanâ’i‘) If a person is old and has no desire for women, then marriage is only permissible for him. If he does not possess the means to marry, and it will burden him without achieving its objectives, then it is unfavorable. If it will cause significant harm to his spouse, then it is prohibited, as clearly stated by some Ḥanafis and Mâlikis. Therefore, marriage may come under any of the five legal values, ranging from obligation to prohibition.

Because of the great importance of marriage, and because it sometimes distracts one, to some extent, from other virtuous deeds, Allah greatly rewards those who assume this responsibility. He rewards the man for every cent he spends on his wife and household, and He even rewards him for intimacy with his wife. The same applies to the wife, whose spending is not a requirement but will be counted as charity. Both spouses are also rewarded for showing kindness and patience to one another. Moreover, they receive an enormous reward for raising their children and instructing them in righteousness.

1193. (Ag – from Sa‘d ibn Abi Waqqâṣ)

their gaze and protect their chastity. And for those who can’t afford it, they may fast, ¹¹⁹⁴ for it curbs the sexual desire.” ¹¹⁹⁵

لِلْفَرْجِ، وَمَنْ لَمْ يَسْتَطِعْ فَعَلَيْهِ بِالصَّوْمِ فَإِنَّهُ لَهُ وِجَاءٌ."

[Engagement]

Whoever wants to propose to a woman is entitled to look at what customarily appears, such as her face, hands and feet. ¹¹⁹⁶

وَمَنْ أَرَادَ خِطْبَةَ امْرَأَةٍ، فَلَهُ النَّظَرُ مِنْهَا إِلىٰ مَا يَظْهَرَ عَادَةً، كَوَجْهِهَا وَكَفَّيْهَا وَقَدَمَيْهَا.

1194. Other Means to Curb Lustful Desires

Fasting is one way to curb the desire, and it is a prescription from the Prophet (SA) that must be heeded. However, there are other means to help in this regard as well, including:
· Lowering one’s gaze and avoiding improper interaction with the opposite sex.

· Staying busy with virtuous activities and endeavors, and maintaining high aspirations.

· Keeping good company and avoiding loneliness.

· Participating in sports and other permissible means of entertainment and recreation.

· Becoming engaged, though the engagement represents only a goal to pursue and an emotional attachment. This is after the proposal has been accepted but before the contract is signed; during this period, the fiancé may look at her and visit her at home (without seclusion, of course). No one else is allowed to propose to her unless the couple decides to end the engagement.
The second and more important step is getting contracted. In this stage, which is after the ‘aqd (contract) and before the binâ’ (consummation), the couple are a wife and husband and may go out together and spend time in seclusion, while avoiding intercourse until the binâ’. If they have intercourse, it is a violation of the promise the man gave to the guardian, but it is not zinâ (fornication) because they are already husband and wife. This three-step process – engagement, contracting and consummation – may bring patience to many young men and women who are frustrated with their inability to marry because of the temporary lack of means while in college, for example. It is important to note that it is preferable to begin the process after one is capable of proceeding to the end.

. Finally, if one fears falling into zinâ, then self-stimulation is permissible according to (A) + (+H).

1195. (Ag – from ‘Abdullâh Ibn Mas‘ood)

1196. That is because Abu Hurayrah (ra) said, “I was with the Prophet (SA), and a man came to him and told him that he had married a woman of the Anṣâr. The Messenger of Allah (SA) said:

‘Have you looked at her?’ He said, ‘No.’ He said, ‘Go and look at her, for there is something (that may be undesirable to Makkans) in the eyes of the Anṣâr.’” (M)

أَنَظَرْتَ إِلَيْهَا؟ قال: لا. قال: فَاذْهَبْ فَانْظُرْ إِلَيْهَا، فَإِنَّ فِي أَعْيُنِ الْأَنْصَارِ شَيْئًا

Outside the prayer, they disagreed on the woman’s ‘awrah (part of the body that should be covered in public).
(A2) + (H, +M, +S): She must cover the entire body except for the face (and hands, according to the majority and one report in the Ḥanbali madh-hab).
(A): She must cover the entire body, including the face and hands. (Many latter Ḥanafis also held that young women should cover their face, not because it is ‘awrah, but to avoid temptation. There are other scholars of the other madh-habs who chose the obligation of covering the face.)
(H2): She must cover the entire body except for the face, hands, and feet.

The Extent of What Can Be Looked at

(A): He may look at the parts that usually appear at home, such as the face, hands, neck, and feet.

(a) + (+H, +M, +S): He may only look at the face and hands (and the feet according to (H), because they do not consider them ‘awrah).
What Can the Woman in Our Times Do to Find Suitors?

A woman who is interested in getting married may take care of her appearance for that honorable cause, while observing proper hijab, based on the report in the madh-hab that does not require covering the face. Aḥmad and Muslim reported that Subay‘ah (RAH) was married to Sa‘d ibn Khawlah, and she was pregnant when he passed away during the Farewell Pilgrimage. Not long after his death, she gave birth. When her postpartum bleeding ended, she beautified herself to receive marriage proposals (and in Aḥmad’s version: she applied kohl), so Abu as-Sanâbil ibn Ba‘kak went to her (in Aḥmad’s version: met her) and said, “Why do I see that you have beautified yourself? Perhaps you hope to get married…!” In the same vein, it may also be acceptable for a woman to go to places where she may be noticed. This includes family and Islamic events and conventions, etc. This may apply more where it is harder to find suitors. If a young woman is known, and suitors are coming to her door, she may not need any of the above.

A man shall not propose to a woman to whom his brother proposed, unless he has not been accepted. ¹¹⁹⁷

وَلاَ يَخْطُبُ الرَّجُلُ عَلىٰ خِطْبَةِ أَخِيْهِ إِلاَّ أَنْ لاَ يُسْكَنَ إِلَيْهِ.

Finally, while the norm is for the male suitor to propose to the woman or one of her relatives, it is also permissible for the woman to propose to a righteous suitor or his agent, if needed. Anas said, “A woman came to Allah’s Messenger (SA) and presented herself to him, saying, ‘O Allah’s Messenger, have you any need for me (that is, would you like to marry me)?’” Thereupon Anas’s daughter said, “What a shameless lady she was! Shame! Shame!” Anas said, “She was better than you; she had a liking for the Prophet (SA), so she presented herself for marriage to him.” (B – from Thâbit al-Bunâni)

Is Looking Enough?

It may be said that looking is not enough to ascertain suitability, and this is largely true. The Companions (RAHUM) knew more about each other than we do now. There is no prohibition on having several visits and discussions until both parties are comfortable concerning their compatibility, as long as there is no seclusion or physical contact, for that remains prohibited. -- The exemption only pertains to looking. Moreover, in the following period between the ‘aqd and binâ’, compatibility can be further ensured. Ultimately, there will be some characteristics that appear only after marriage, and this is even true for those who live together for years before marrying; the divorce rates amongst them – including during the first year – are exceedingly high.

The Criteria One Should Be Looking for in a Potential Spouse

The most comprehensive hadith concerning this is the Prophet’s saying

“A woman may be married for four reasons: her wealth, her lineage, her beauty, and her religion, so select the religious one, lest you become a loser.” (Ag – from Abu Hurayrah)

تُنْكَحُ اَلْمَرْأَةُ لِأَرْبَعٍ: لِمَالِهَا وَلِحَسَبِهَا وَلِجَمَالِهَا وَلِدِينِهَا، فَاظْفَرْ بِذَاتِ اَلدِّينِ تَرِبَتْ يَدَاكَ.

As indicated in the previous hadith, this does not mean that other criteria should not be considered at all, but it emphasizes the importance of piety over all the others.

1197. Second Proposal

The Messenger of Allah (SA) said:

It is not permissible to openly propose marriage to a woman during her waiting period. However, for one whose marriage termination is finalized, it is permissible to allude to that. ¹¹⁹⁸ He may, for

وَلاَ يَجُوْزُ التَّصْرِيْحُ بِخِطْبَةِ مُعْتَدَّةٍ، وَيَجُوْزُ التَّعْرِيْضُ بِخِطْبَةِ اْلبَائِنِ خَاصَّةً، فَيَقُوْلُ: لاَ تُفَوِّتِيْنِيْ بِنَفْسِكِ، وَإِنِّيْ فِيْ

“… And a man should not propose to a woman to whom his brother proposed unless he (the first man) leaves her or gives him permission.” (Ag – from Ibn ‘Umar)

... وَلَا يَخْطُبَ الرَّجُلُ عَلَى خِطْبَةِ أَخِيهِ حَتَّى يَتْرُكَ الْخَاطِبُ قَبْلَهُ أَوْ يَأْذَنَ لَهُ الْخَاطِبُ

This is only applicable after the woman has shown explicit or implicit acceptance of the first proposal; prior to that, it would be permissible. The Messenger of Allah (SA) proposed to Fâṭimah bint Qays on behalf of Usâmah even after Abu Jahm and Mu‘âwiyah had proposed to her. (M) It is much worse to seek to divide a man from his wife to marry her, as the Messenger of Allah (SA) said:

“He is not one of us who turns a woman against her husband.” (D – from Abu Hurayrah. al-Albâni:Auth)

لَيْسَ مِنَّا مَنْ خَبَّبَ امرَأَةً عَلَى زَوجِهَا.

The woman who allows another man to turn her against her husband and seeks to separate from him has also committed an enormity. The Prophet (SA) said:

“Any woman who asks her husband for a divorce without a (justifying) hardship, the fragrance of paradise will be forbidden for her.” (D, T – from Thawbân. T:S)

أَيُّمَا امرَأَةٍ سَأَلَت زَوجَهَا طَلَاقًا فِي غَيرِ مَا بَأسٍ فَحَرَامٌ عَلَيهَا رَائِحَةُ الجَنَّةِ.

A marriage that begins with enormous disobedience committed by both parties ‎will most likely be a source of grief for them.

1198. Proposing during the Waiting Period

Proposing openly to any woman during her waiting period from divorce, annulment of marriage, or the death of her husband is forbidden by consensus. Allah said:

{There is no blame upon you for that to which you [indirectly] allude concerning a proposal to women or for what you conceal within yourselves...} (al-Baqarah 2: 235)

{ وَلَا جُنَاحَ عَلَيْكُمْ فِيمَا عَرَّضْتُم بِهِ مِنْ خِطْبَةِ النِّسَاءِ أَوْ أَكْنَنتُمْ فِي أَنفُسِكُمْ ... }

Book of Nikah

( Page : no 107)

The Book of Marriage

Book of Nikah

النِّكاَحِ

Stations

Introduction

The Book of Purification

The Book of Prayer

The Book of Funerals

The Book of Fasting

The Book of Hajj and 'Umrah

Book of Zakat

The Book of Selling and Commercial Transactions

The Book of Bequests

The Book of Inheritance

The Book of Marriage

The Book of Divorce

The Book of Sadaq

The Book of Dhihar

The Book of Lian

The Book of Foods

The Book of Oaths

Book of Fatal and Non-Fatal Assault

The Book of Indemnities

The Book of Hudood

The Book of Jihad

The Book of the Judiciary

The Book of Testimonies

Appendix

Glossary

Is Looking Enough?

The Criteria One Should Be Looking for in a Potential Spouse

Book of Nikah